Growth Spurt!

Oh my goodness!  My child is growing. 

Whomever said my child was going to be small because he has Down syndrome had no idea what they were talking about!

Jacob is 18 months younger than his sister, and already weighs more than her.  Okay, in her defense, she's still a foot taller than him, but Jake is a TANK.

You wouldn't know it if you saw him.  But the child is dense.  Somewhere underneath that belly of his, there's a six-pack. Maybe a 12-pack!

Since he finished school in June of last year, he has grown FOUR SIZES.  That's not a typo. Four sizes.  He finished school a 4T last year.  He is now outgrowing his 7's.  Well, sort of.  His waist is too big for the 7's, but the pant legs are about 3 inches too long.

When I put him in 6X's, the pants would be obscene if he weren't still in diapers, but the legs are just the right length.  But that's alright. They match perfectly with all his muscle shirts!

So this week, I'm buying him a whole new wardrobe (again), and breaking out the sewing machine to hem up all his pants.

I guess in the grand scheme of things, a growth spurt (or three) is a good thing, right?

Kicking, Biting and Spitting: What I'm Doing To Combat the Combatant

I've had difficulty the last several months with a new development.  Kicking, biting and spitting.  This has been so much of a struggle, that I've called in behavioral specialists, and DD Services has moved his respite care from 0 hours last year, to 58  hours/month this year (Jake was throwing the mother of all tantrums at the time of his assessment. I'm not sure if that's good, or bad).

This problem has escalated since he started kindergarten, which is a class consisting of seven other kids with developmental disabilities and three para-educators (assistants).  As best as I can tell, Jake is the youngest, and the others range into the 2nd or 3rd grades.

The teacher is new, and highly motivated (thank goodness!), but she is also inexperienced (bless her heart).  I like her. Her heart is in the right place. But there is much trial and error going on in the class.

I've shown up to get Jake for his therapies, and the poor woman is flushed and frazzled.  Once, I came in and the room was annihilated - someone had literally cleared the shelves all over the floors.

Sadly, Jake is beginning to pick up on some of these behaviors and bringing them home.

We contacted a behavioral therapist and had a (sort of) consultation.  However, he wanted the entire allotment of Jacob's DD money $1200 to be used for behavioral services.  Um, I'm sorry. There are BOOKS on behavioral therapy (of which I will be buying - I'll blog about that later, I'm sure). Plus, he approach to dealing with Jacob is to wait his tantrums out, or offer him something that he wants more.

Okay, let me make something clear. I have FOUR children. I am not willing to let Jacob rule my world and dictate when and where I will do things.  I have absolutely no problem taking the time to teach him to behave properly, or what acceptable behavior is, but ALLOWING him to continue with his tantrums, and making the rest of us revolve around him is not acceptable to me. And it does him no favors in the future. It only teaches him that tantrums are acceptable ways of expressing frustration.

So, we've been working with the OT, PT, Speech, and the teacher at school to figure out the best way to work with him.  I suspect that some of this is due to his frustration that he can't communicate his wants and needs properly, and it will go away once he can speak a little better.  Other things are learned from the older kids at school.  And still others are from his innate stubbornness.

For now, I'm doing the following, though I'm sure this will be tweaked as I figure out what works and what doesn't:

1)  Try to spend more quality time with him than I have in the past.  Primarily, this is so he understands that good behavior means he gets lots of attention.  Bad behavior means time outs in his room or on the couch, without the attention he craves.

2) When I'm with him, we try to unplug. From everything.  No cell phones, no TV, no music.  I limit the amount of sensory input he can get.

3) Lots of physical play. Jake seems to respond well to physical activity.  The teachers say he behaves better in school after PT and OT sessions. He starts swim lessons tonight, and we're actively working on getting him to the park and going outside to play.

4) Quiet time. He's beginning to sit still long enough for us to read books. So, I'm encouraging that too.

5) I'm working out. This kid is STRONG!  His behavior isn't going away anytime soon, so I'm taking action to be able to handle him better.  The moment he gets stronger than me, I've lost that battle.

6) Taking breaks (Respite). I'm totally utilizing the respite care.  Luckily, my oldest is 21 and wants to be an Occupational Therapy Assistant, so she'll be the respite care. But we've agreed to let him go over to her house twice a month on the weekends so that our family can have a break. We love Jake to death, but taking care of a child with Ds is hard. And it's important for the other kids to remember what life as a normal kid is like, and to enable us to give them their much-needed attention too.  

Wrist Wraps: The Unexpected Solution to Sensory Issues

So I went through a phase several months back when I was doing a lot of product testing.  Companies would send me their products, I test them out, then I'd blog, Tweet, or Instagram about whatever I was using.

For the most part, most everything was good.  Occasionally, I'd find something so wonderful I'd buy more when I ran out.
One  of those unexpected items were wrist wraps (If you go onto Amazon you can find the for under $10).  If you don't lift weights, you probably don't know what they are. But the concept is simple.  It's a thick elastic band, much like an ace bandage, that wraps around your wrists and Velcros at the end.  It's designed to strengthen your wrists when you're lifting heavy weights.  Since my kids are big into lifting because of sports, I decided to get a pair of wrist wraps.

Lo and behold, little Jacob got a hold of my wraps and LOVES them!  I think it's a sensory thing for him.  He'll put them on and take them off several times a day.  At first he needed my help, but now he can pretty much do it all by himself.  He wraps the elastic around his forearms as tight as he wants it, then runs around the house doing his thing until he decides he's done and takes them off.

I figured after a day or two he'd be tired of the novelty. But it's been nearly 6 months now, and he still pulls them out and wraps his arms.

I'm finding he also likes having the weight of my arm over him while he sleeps, and I've heard them talk about getting him a weighted lap blanked for school to see if that will help settle him down.

I guess the moral of this story is: As a parent of a special needs child, I must always think outside the box.  You never know what your child will find beneficial.

FINALLY....an Explosion in Speech!

For anyone who has followed me, or my journey with Jacob, you know that speech has been one of our biggest struggles.

Getting ready to go to speech therapy! 

Not only is he getting 30 minutes of speech at school each day, but he has another 30 minutes per week at a private agency.

Jacob's progress has been excruciatingly slow.  But there's been progress, nonetheless.  When he started at Youthful Horizons, he was essentially mute.  He didn't even grunt much.  We had him using Geminii system, but he got bored quickly.  And I think that's because the Geminii system is geared more towards people with Autism.  There was very little emotion in the programs, and it relied heavily on repetition.  All good things, don't get me wrong.  But he was bored. So we topped out on his progress pretty quickly, then backslid for a while. And, at $99/month for the program, we couldn't afford to keep using something that wasn't working.

About that time, we found Debbie at Youthful Horizons She and Jake have been an awesome fit.  She's mellow, nice, and she has all the best toys--at least Jacob seems to think so!

I've learned to appreciate the process of learning to talk.  First there is learning to push out air forcefully enough to make noise. Then you must learn to control your muscles enough to manipulate your lips enough to create specific sounds. And don't forget about placement of the tongue, jaw, and awareness of the cheeks, face, and other muscles.  All of these things had to be addressed in proper progression, while concurrently teaching him other means of communication via the PECS system and more sign language to enable communication RIGHT NOW.

Jacob is nearly 6 1/2 now.  Sign language is still his primary language, but now he's added a few words to his vocabulary.  He can say things like purple, bye, dad, mom (pronounced ba), Elisha (pronounced uheesa), he calls Courtney (seesa), bus, please (pronounced psss), blue (boo), there it is, that, dog, Craig (his PT), and occasionally, when he's in a good mood, I'll here his say Debbie.  13 words and 1 phrase. 

I'll TOTALLY take it!

And on those days when I'm frustrated that he still prefers to yell rather than use his words, I remind myself that we couldn't understand his older brother (who is normally functioning and actually quite smart) until he was 12! 

Patience, grasshopper.  Patience.

Sleep Apnea Sleep Study for Jake

At Jacob's last  check up with the pediatrician, she put in a request that he get a sleep study done because children with Down syndrome have a higher tendency to have issues with sleep apnea.

It took months for us to connect with the doctor, have our preliminary visit, then actually have the sleep study done.

I'd had no idea what to expect from the study, aside from the fact that Jake would be there all night long and they'd be monitoring his sleep patterns somehow.

We showed up at the hospital at 7 p.m. on a Tuesday night and met with the technician. She showed us to a room that looked very much like a hotel room complete with a queen sized bed, a couple night stands, and a chair in the corner.  There was a bathroom connected to the room, and a second room where I could sleep if I chose.  She pointed out the cameras that would be used to watch Jacob while he sleeps, then showed me all of the cables that would be attached to various parts of his body.

Jake was NOT impressed.  From the second she started trying to attach the cables to his body, he began fighting.  He'd kick, and scream, and yell, and push, and wiggle--anything he could do to keep them off his body.

We struggled for FOUR hours to get them on him, then to get him to lay down in bed, and to keep him from yanking the cables out of his hair and off his face.

FOUR HOURS.  I finally had to physically restrain him with both my arms and legs until he couldn't move, then wait for him to cry himself to sleep.  By the time he fell asleep at around 1:00 a.m. both he and I were a sweaty mess.

By morning, the technician verified that yes, he did have sleep apnea, and maybe I should get a sleep study done too.  Um, you'd sleep like a brick and snore too if you'd just fought Jacob for four hours.  That kid has stamina.  I'm just sayin...

I heard nothing for another six weeks, then finally hear from the pediatrician asking if we'd ever had the study.  I confirmed that we had and that we were waiting on results and were told it may take a few months to hear anything.  She was not impressed, so she made phone calls, and a referral to the ENT.

At his appointment this week, we were told that Jacob had obstructive sleep apnea and another form of apnea that affects his brain waves when he sleeps.  He will be getting his tonsils out shortly to help with the apnea since there is no way Jake will sleep with a CPAP machine.

The ENT said that once the tonsils were taken out, they normally do another sleep study.  I quickly informed him that there was NO WAY I was going to subject Jake to that study again. Not for a very long time.  He agreed when I told him the story and said that instead he'd do a follow-up with him after the surgery to make sure his airways are doing well.

Here's to hoping that will be enough, and we don't find ourselves in another all-night war of the wills!

Jacob - A Little Brother in the Truest Form

I've been updating many of my blogs over the last several weeks, and it's given me an opportunity to walk down memory lane.  Some of those memories were filled with laughter.  Others with sadness and tears.  But the strongest vein of thought I felt throughout the months and years with Jacob thus far has been gratitude that Jacob is in our lives.

Yes,  my 4 1/2 year old is stubborn, devious, likes to dump things on the floors...or beds...or behind couches...you get the idea.  But he's also a lover, a giggler, a hugger, curious, sweet, devoted, and constantly trying to show love toward me.  He's wise beyond his years, and yet impulsive as a one-year-old.  And...Jacob is a little brother in the truest form of the term.

Jake is only 18 months younger than Courtney, but only half her size.  So, why is it, that every time she walks in the room, he either A) follows her around like a puppy dog   B) Tries (and usually succeeds)  to tackle her.  That little boy LOVES to hear his sister scream and/or squeal.  It's like his very existence depends on how loud Courtney yelps.

At times it's frustrating, and other times, I can't help but chuckle.  It's one of hundreds of little reminders for me that, although Jake has Down syndrome, he is more like the rest of us than he is different.

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Gemiini Update: Jacob's Speech is Progressing

This is my monthly post on Jacob's speech progression using Gemiini.

Admittedly, we haven't been using Gemiini as often as I'd like.  Jake's older sister had heart surgery three weeks ago, so our focus was on her for much of April.  However, whenever possible, I would sit down with Jake and go over the videos.  Plus, they have an app that we've downloaded that Jake can click on without requiring me to log into their system to watch the videos.  I've caught him several time with his Ipad watching those videos and making the sounds and signs to the words.

I've seen a lot of progression in Jake these last several weeks.  He's progressed from using signs and a series of grunts to babbling with consonants, and even trying to use words.  This last week he pointed to an object and said "there!" (which sounded more like 'dehyr', but whose complaining?), and last night he was doing the da-da-da thing.  What a leap from absolute silence. 4 1/2 YEARS we've been trying to get Jacob so say SOMETHING, and now it's happening.  Is it bad to say there are days I want to shed tears of joy at this development?

This morning we were on again.  He only managed to watch for 10 minutes, but he did all the signs, all of the sounds associated with the animals, and was attempting to say the words.  He'd either manage to say the beginning or the end, but not the entire word.  They're baby steps, but for me they are HUGE.  I have hope.  And there's nothing better in the world than having hope for your child and his ability to communicate.

PTSD and Elisha's heart surgery. All in the day of a life of the Allreds.

Tuesday at 4:00 pm. (after nearly 6 hours of waiting) I was at Sacred Heart Medical Center in Spokane, Washington entrusting the life of my oldest child to the cardiologist for heart surgery.  This was the second child I've had endure heart surgery.  I didn't like it any more the second time around than I did the first.

In fact, this entire experience has brought round a pretty good case of PTSD, and an enormous amount of retrospection over Jacob's life during the past 4 years - not to mention many prayers of thanks for Elisha's.

I couldn't help but remember the day I was at the OBGYN and he told me Jake would have Down syndrome and a pretty significant heart defect.  He asked me if I wanted to abort.  The answer was immediate and adamant.  "Absolutely Not!".

As I prepared for Elisha's surgery, I often wondered how many parents have aborted a fetus merely on the basis of a heart defect.  Their worry that the child would not have a normal life, that it would be riddled with pain, sickness, or inability to be like the other kids.  I know pain was my first thought with Jacob.  How much pain would he be in? Could I, as his mother, handle watching my child with an enormous hole in his heart, suffer as a child?  Would the operation hurt?  Would he survive. After all, it IS his heart.  It's not like they're fixing an ingrown toenail. What would his quality of life be?

Those first three months with Jacob were as bad as I had envisioned them to be.  He was soooo very sick. He spent nearly every night of his first three months of life in the hospital, and I would sleep with him on my chest so that he could be upright and breathe easier.  He was so sick and listless his therapists were afraid to touch him and refused to treat him until his heart was fixed.

What I can tell you though, and I'm sure you've deduced from past and recent posts, is that the moment he had his surgery, a light flicked on and he turned into this crazy-busy fantastic little boy who laughs and giggles until everyone else around him is laughing and giggling.  He's smart, and mischievous, and adorable, and stubborn, and everything I could have possibly hoped and dreamed for in a little boy.

Now I look at Elisha, who apparently has apparently spent her entire life with a rather large hole in her heart as well.  How the doctors never caught it, I'll never know.  The first cardiologist diagnosed her with a large PFO (Patent Foramen Ovale).  On a scale of 1 to 5 (5 being the largest), he was pretty sure she had a 4 or 5.  And when she bore down (flexed her stomach muscles), there was a massive amount of shunting from the left atrium to the right (upper two chambers), almost as if there was nothing there to hold the flow of the blood back.  A second opinion proved that she didn't have a PFO, but an ASD (Atrial Septal Defect), which means the wall of the atriums didn't fully close and there is a permanent hole in her heart that will never (obviously, because she's 19!) close on its own.

How did this hole affect her growing up?  Well, she had a few bouts of passing out, and she was constantly tired.  She had little or no stamina during sports.  But you know what else?

Elisha was also ASB president, All Conference Volleyball, 2-time state champion thrower for track, All-State/All-Northwest choir, went to state 3 times for choir, and is now a Division 1 track athlete.  Did the hole in her heart affect her.  Yeah.  It did.  If it didn't we wouldn't have been taking her to the doctors and found it in December.  But the things she was able to accomplish in spite of it, are amazing. You can check out ELISHA's webpage here.

I wonder how many families choose to abort their fetuses because of a heart defect and never realize what an amazing opportunity they're missing, and how normal a child's life can be in spite of a congenital heart defect.  I sit here and shake my head.  What a loss. And how lucky I am to have had faith and know that everything would be alright.

With two children having heart defects, I'm not sure if their connection is genetic or just really really bad luck.  But what I do know is that there was a lot to be learned from the eperience.  Not only for myself, but Elisha has learned and matured from it as well.  It puts life into perspective quickly.

We have several moments to pause and think hard in the last few days. Especially when her heart rate plummeted during the initial IV insertion from 78 beats per minute to 35 and the room went from 1 nurse to 4 in seconds.    And again when her doctor came to us after her surger and mentioned that her heart had stopped for four seconds before they'd even begun the procedure.  All the sudden even the most invincible person becomes mortal. And it scares you.  It definitely scared me.  And it prioritized my life quickly.

After much consideration, Elisha and I have decided to start a non-profit called Allred Hearts.  It's for families affected by congenital heart defects.  If you walk the halls of Sacred Heart, you see entire levels dedicated to people with heart issues.  And having two in our family with a CHD (Congenital Heart Defect) we are acutely aware of how it affects a family and how much help and support a family needs during the process.  The night before her surgery, Elisha helped me create the logo for Allred Hearts.

Our family has been through it all.  Open heart surgery, a baby with surgery, a college student with heart surgery, being denied by insurance, the uncertainty of life with a CHD, and the promise of life after heart surgery.  We've felt the pain, the stress, the hope, the love, and revelled in the little moments that such experiences help us to realize and appreciate.  We hope to share that with others.

Please, help us to help others.  Show your support to Elisha, Jacob, and our new endeavor, by clicking on the logo Elisha created, and helping us to create the non-profit.

Thank you, everyone, for your love, support, prayers, and help over these last few months (for Elisha) and years (for Jacob).  We could never have done it without the help of such a great community of friends, family, loved-ones, and KC's work, Avista.  It has been the thousands of acts of kindness that have helped us get through so many trials.

Many thanks,

KC, Susan, Elisha, Nathan, Courtney, and Jacob Allred.

Savouring the Little Things

Yesterday my post was filled with negativity.  I am not a negative person.  I don't want negativity to eat up any more of my life than is absolutely necessary.

So, today, I choose to relish and share, but a mere moment of the blessing I call Jacob.

Two days ago it was spaghetti night.  Spaghetti is one of Jacob's favorite foods of all times.  Bar none.  It's always a treat to watch him eat spaghetti.  Not because he makes a ridiculous mess (because he does), or because he refuses to use a fork (which is also true), but by the sheer revelry he displays when savoring every last bite of his meal.

We're not talking a pile of spaghetti the size of an egg.  No way!  Jacob eats as much spaghetti as I, a full grown adult, eat.  I understand that lots of kids with Ds don't have an 'off' switch with food.  And we have yet to determine if Jake is that way yet - basically because all the rest of his siblings are athletes (and GIANT athletes at that - Elisha is 5'10" and Nathan is 6'2 - at age 15) and eat more than a football team combined when they're home.  So I have nothing to gauge his eating habits off of yet.

Anyway, I digress.  Back to Jake and his spaghetti fetish.

So we sat him down with his rather large serving of spaghetti.  As the rest of the family finished their meal, I looked over to watch Jake who had been unusually quiet.  He took one strand of spaghetti between his thumb and pointer finger (great fine motor skill practice, by the way!) and slowly pulled the noodle from the plate.  Pulling...pulling...pulling until the twelve inch string was lifted as high as his stubby little arm would go, dangling just above his mouth, enticing him to bite.

After a few seconds of watching the noodle wiggle in the air, he slowly lowered the very tip into his mouth and bit down with his lips - not his teeth.  Don't want to break the noodle, after all.  Then, he sucked, slowly drawing it into his mouth, until only a few inches remained.   As he sucked, his eyes rolled back into his skull in absolute bliss, then he closed his eyelids, half smiling at the taste of his favorite food. Then he pulled the noodle out again, sans the sauce.

Next, he repeated step 1, however, this time, he sucked harder, letting go of the noodle with his hand, and allowing the strand to flip and flop around his mouth as it got shorter and shorter, and disappeared.  Smack!  All gone.

He took a moment to chew the soft pasta and swallow, then looked at his plate and half smiled again before rooting around for another perfect noodle to repeat the process.

As I watched Jake eating his spaghetti, I was struck by how important the little things are - not only to him - but to all of us.  If we continue to get caught up in all the big stuff - then how can we appreciate the little things?

If I continue to worry about making sure all of the bills are paid on time, or keeping the house spotless (which it is NOT) how can I appreciate the fact that my husband works DANG HARD to make sure that I have the opportunity to stay at home with our little ones full time? I get to make sure they know their alphabet, hold them when they wake up from their nightmares crying, laugh with them when they run circles in the living room chasing one another, teach them to be kind to others and to take responsibility for their actions, and raise them to be productive parts of society.  This is especially true with Jake because he needs just a smidgen more time than his siblings.  And I'm blessed with the opportunity to be that kind of mom because my husband makes it so.


 I am blessed to be able to watch Jake savor his spaghetti, or run around pretending to be a robot from Megamind, or run in circles when the music comes on, or drive Courtney to school and pick her up, and volunteer at her school once a week.  I'm blessed to be there when Nathan gets home every day and to be able to ask him about his day, and tease him about girls.

Ah, what a tremendously blessed life I have.  Thank you, Jacob.  For showing me it's the little things in life worth enjoying.  All those little things begin to add up into one great big - giant even - epiphany of happiness.   Life is good.

Discrimination At Its Finest

NOTE TO READERS:  This experience happened about 3 weeks ago.  I was so worked up over the incident, I decided to table this entry until I could be more objective about the experience when writing. I believe taking a moment to step back and let things 'settle' was a good choice - if for no other reason than avoiding a blog riddled with curses and spewing with venom.  So, please realize that this post is severely subdued compared to the 'day after' emotions I was having. Do not think I don't take this sort of thing lightly.  I do.  However, I refuse to let the indignity of such behavior taint who I am as a person and how I allow my children to see me react to such situations.

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 I consider myself extremely lucky when I say that in the four years that Jacob has been a part of our family, I have never once felt as if he was discriminated against or treated poorly.

We have been truly blessed with the people we've come in contact with from the moment I discovered he had Trisomy 21 before he was born up until this afternoon.

I'm ashamed to say that when I perused the Down syndrome message boards and listened to parents vent and scream about how cruel other people were to their children, I thought they were merely thin-skinned and needed to toughen up a little.  People aren't actually out to discriminate us, they're just ignorant, right?

After today, I must take pause and wonder.

In just a few short weeks, my 15-year-old boy begins basketball.  A prerequisite, as I'm sure is required in every school across the country, is a sports physical to ensure that he is physically fit enough to participate in the strenuous activities associatated with high school sport.

A couple years ago, my family physician's office was bought out by a major corporation.  In fact, so was my pediatrician's office, our urgent care office, and nearly every other medical facility in our city.  About 90% of every medical facility (hospitals included) are owned by one of two major Corporations.  Seeing as how I'm about to rant, I will not name names so as not to be slapped with a stupid defamation lawsuit. Grrr.

From the moment the physicians were bought out, we were no longer able to make an appointment with our doctors and get in to see them same day...or within the week...or even within the next two weeks.  On average, we must wait 3-6 weeks before we can see our physicians.  I made an appointment to have Jake's eyes checked today (December 4th) and they will not be able to get him in before February 24th.  See what I mean?

That's fine. Whatever.  We'll go to urgent care when the kids are sick then, right?  You'd think so.

I found out about my older son's need for a physical 2 days before it was due.  Great.  Urgent care, here we come.  We show up 2 hours before they close, and are immediately given crap.  No.  They won't accept insurance.  We  must pay cash for a sports physical - even though the sign next to the receptionist clearly says that co-pays are expected.  Oh, wait.  It's 5:45 pm, I'm not sure the doctor will even see you because they stop doing sports physicals after 6:00.  Um. it's not 6:00.  And where did you post the allotted times for sports physicals?  I was on your website.  I'm in your lobby.  Nothing.  I'm not a mind reader. Work with me here.  Plus, it's a SPORTS PHYSICAL.  Listen to his heart, weigh him, check his blood pressure.  Sign the piece of paper. We're on our way in less than 5 minutes.  It's the easiest $50 this doctor is gonna make tonight.

The receptionist takes our paperwork - already filled out and waiting to be signed by the doctor.  We wait in the lobby for 35 minutes to find out if they will even TAKE us.  The nurse opens the door and motions to my son and I to come.  We step behind the door, she closes it, and then proceeds to tell us that they will not see my son.

Why?

Because we checked a little box that said our family had a history of heart problems.

I proceeded to tell her that the "history" was Jake.  Our 4 year-old with Down syndrome. Those heart issues were directly related to his disability and did not increase Nathan's chances at having heart issues.  It had everything to do with Jacobs extra chromosome - which Nathan obviosly does NOT have.

I kid you not, when she heard that Jake had Ds, she sneered.  I was pissed.  She then told us it was policy not to do sports physicals when the family has a history of heart issues.  I again repeated to her that Jacob's heart defects did not increase Nathan's chances of heart issues. I asked her very nicely to relay the information to the doctor and ask that the doctor make an exception.

She made another face, and said she would, then ushered us back to the waiting room to wait another 15 minutes.

A new nurse called us back.  She again told us that they do not do sports physicals for people whose families have a history of heart issues.  I relayed the same thing to her about Jake and it not increasing Nathan's chances of having issues.  This lady made an even nastier face than the first nurse and repeated the policy.  I asked her if she spoke to the doctor.  She repeated the policy again and told us that they are an Urgent Care facility and that this was not an urgent care issue - we needed to go see our family practitioner for such matters - someone who knows our family's medical history.  Then she told us that they will not serve patients who have a family history of heart issues.

At. All.

She opened the door, and essentially kicked out out of the building, refusing to see us.  Why? Because Jacob has Down syndrome.  My 15-year-old son who has NEVER been seriously sick in his life.  EVER. was denied medical treatment because his little brother had Down syndrome.  Our entire FAMILY will be denied medical treatment from that Urgent care facility - and every other facility holding that company's name (remember, they own nearly half of all medical facilities in our town now) because Jacob has Down syndrome.

Discrimination at its finest, people.

You wanna know what the funny thing is though?

This urgent care facility has essentially been our primary care provider for the past 4 years.  They've been seeing our entire family - including Jake (who, by the way has a giant scar down the front of his chest from heart surgery, so there was no hiding his heart history) - whenever we were sick. They KNOW our family history.  But because we checked one tiny little box, information WE VOLUNTEERED, we now had the plague.  No touchy.

I went home livid, to say the least.  I ranted to my husband.  I called one of my dear friends who also has a child with Ds.  I stewed.  I got madder.

I have decided that this is not over.  I am a mother of a child with Trisomy 21.  If I do not stand up for him and my children, I'm allowing this behavior to perpetuate.  I'm allowing this company to continue to discriminate.

This week, I will be writing a letter to the company's corporate office.  And I will be writing a letter to the urgent care facility, and I will be contacting our local, regional, and national Down syndrome coalitions.  And then I will be contacting an attorney.

Do I want money?  No.  Do I want retribution? No.  Do I want an apology?  Not really.  I want the policy to CHANGE.  I want people with disabilities - AND THEIR FAMILIES - to be treated just like everyone else.  Isn't that what the American Disabilities Act is all about?  Equal rights?

Quit punishing us for having, and loving, a child with disabilities.  Let us make our own choices - quit making choices for us.  Quit trying to treat us like degenerates or second-class citizens.  Because we AREN'T.

If anything, children like Jacob make us better people.  Jacob is a blessing.  Nothing less.  And I will not allow anyone else to treat him otherwise.

Now...off my soapbox.  I have some work to do. :)

Birthdays and Buddies

What a crazy busy week it's been!

Jake had is fourth birthday on Saturday (Wahoo!) and it was surprisingly low-key.  What I love about this age is that there are no real expectations from the little ones.  He didn't care that I bought him a cake.  He didn't care that the gifts never actually got wrapped - he liked playing with the bags for days afterwards.

He LOVED the car we bought him.  It had buttons for him to push that created sounds and flashing lights on the top of the hood, then the car moved forward - fast if he was on the linoleum.  The sounds drove the rest of the family crazy, but I think that was part of the mystique for Jake.

For quiet times, we bought him several small dump trucks, front loaders, bucket trucks, etc.  They're perfect for the palm of his hand and he can carry them anywhere, which is a bonus for him.

And, of course, a magic microphone to help encourage his speech.

Like I said: Low key, but nice.

Tuesday we dressed him up in his knight costume and the little ones went trunk or treating at our church.  He's been munching on candy all week.  I will be soooooooo happy when the candy is gone!












And yesterday, I got to see Josh, Jake's NICU buddy - also with Down syndrome, who was born the day after Jake.  Josh and his mom came to town and we got to spend a little over an hour catching up with one another as Josh had his monthly chemo and check-up.

I am so lucky to know Marla and Josh.  Not only because they're a great family, but how many people have the opportunity to have a child nearly the EXACT same age as your own to kind of guage things off of?  I can look at Josh and realize that he's a much better talker than Jake, but Jake is taller and bigger (probably due to genetics and the drugs from the cancer).  Both of us are going through potty training right now, and have discovered that both boys are doing it backwards from our other kids - mastering pooping in the toilet first, then peeing.  Who knew???

It's been a great reminder that we're all in the same boat, our kids do things a little differently, and sometimes slower than non Ds kids, but we're all getting it.  And, really, would you want it any other way?  Nope.  Not me.  I love Jake just the way he is.  He enriches my life in so many ways that I wouldn't have experienced if he didn't have Trisomy 21.  He makes me a better mother.  A better person.  And that's what it's all about, right?  Being the best person you can be.  Sigh.  Life is good. :)

Potty Training: Jacob Style

Once again, Jacob has defied my expectations :)

Yesterday, I was going about my business and he came up to me, grunted, and pointed to his pull-ups.

I asked him if he wanted to go to the bathroom, and he nodded. Then he took my hand, and pulled me into the bathroom where we have the potty training toilet.

Now, mind you, I haven't pushed potty training on Jake for the last couple of months because of the chaos of school. I wanted things to settle down before I pushed it on him again.

But once we got into the bathroom, he had me help him take his pants and pull-ups off, and POOPED right in the toilet. 

For any of you that have potty trained before, the potty always come first, and then months down the road, they get the hang of pooping. 

Nope.  Not Jake.  He wants to cut to the chase and master pooping first.  

Needless to say, the next couple of minutes were filled with high-fives, laughs, giggles, and squeals from his mother.  I guess we'll be doing some serious potty training these next couple weeks.  Jacob insists on it!