Counting My Blessings - Jacob is not a trial

Quick Note: OK, I fell asleep last night with Jacob in my arms and didn't wake up again until 4 a.m.  Soooo even though the time stamp says it's Monday, just think in your mind that I'm typing like it's Sunday! ;)

Today was my turn to go to church with the kids.  K.C. got to stay home with Jacob and I got to be spiritually enriched this week.  I think of all the days so far, today was the day I needed it most.  I'm not sure why, but I'm sure that the fact that I haven't made it through an entire 3-hour session in nearly 4 or 5 months had a large part to do with it.  I used to think that sacrament was the only hour that truly mattered, and that the other two hours were basically 'fluff' for the adults but more geared towards giving the children and youth the time they needed to learn what they needed to grow to be spiritually strong adults.  But today, I felt like this time around I was recharging my batteries in each of the classes and came home ready to tackle the world.

Believe me, I needed that recharging.  We're in the late session now, which means that church starts at 1PM and we don't get home until 4:30 p.m.   So today I came racing home, made dinner, took Elisha to some Stake Youth Choir thingy at 5:30, came home and tried very hard not to scream at small children and husband
while I tried to eat my dinner, prepare FHE, get the house clean, and make sure Jacob got his meds before the Carpenter Family came over for  FHE at 7:00.  Luckily, wonders never cease and I even had 2 minutes to sit down for a second and breathe before the doorbell rang and our guests arrived.

All the time the Carpenters were here holding Jacob and spending our much-needed time together I kept looking over at Jacob and marveling at how much he has begun to grow.  He's no longer the itty bitty little baby (although he is still pretty small - still in his newborn clothes!) that used to scream FRAGILE every time you looked at him.  He's finally chunking up a little bit, and beginning to take on the look of  'baby'.  He doesn't look like he's going to break by merely looking at him any more.  And I have begun to think that maybe, just maybe, he will be strong enough for his surgery in just a few short weeks. 

The idea of having them open up his chest and work on his heart horrifies me.  I'm not quite sure  how I am going to react.  But at least I've had months to prepare myself emotionally for this event.  I'm not stupid enough to think I won't cry when I see  him.  What I'm shooting for is to just not absolutely freak out and go into uncontrolled sobbing.

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Today in Relief Society the lesson was on Enduring your trials and I felt like all eyes were on me (of COURSE I'd chosen to sit in the front row).  Weirdly enough, in spite of everything - all my rants of frustration. All of the tears and fears.  Today I didn't think of Jacob as a trial.  I look at that little boy and all I can think of is how lucky we are to have him!  How blessed we are to have this adorable little spirit in our home to remind us of the importance of patience, endurance, love unfeigned, innocence, and how screaming when life gets hard really doesn't do anyone any good.  Jacob has taught us how to have peace in the midst of a storm.  How to love someone with all your heart.  How to forgive when you've been hurt. How to optimistically hope for a happier day. And how even a simple smile can brighten anyone's day and lighten their load - even for just a moment.  Yes.  I do believe that Jacob has taught us so much.  He has never been a trial.  Only a blessing in our lives and in our home.  I would take 100 Jacobs in a heart beat if I could.  Each day with him teaches me to be a better person and to count my many blessings - count them 1 by 1.

Family visits and taking time for myself while Jake is in the Hospital

Friday was a relatively good day.  Jacob's platelet counts are up to 71,000 which means that he is 29,000 away from the 100,000 goal that we need before the doctor will do his spinal tap for meningitis.  He is still modeling (splotchy look to his skin), but he is doing sooo much better this evening than he was last night.


KC came in bright and early this morning around 6 a.m. and took the day-shift for me.  He mentioned that he met with the Urologist who explained that his kidney issues needed to be addressed, but we needed to take care of the infections first.  So, they just wanted to put him on antibiotics until his surgery. 

Jacob spent most of the morning eating small quantities of milk in the morning, but the amount grew as the day wore on.  At one point he was up to 4 oz. again, but wound up throwing it ALL up again.  It's still kind of disconcerting that he's throwing things up, but I'm thrilled to see the progress (and lack of new developments) over the last 24 hours. 

I took the night shift again and had KC's family come visit.  Aunt Karen, Aunt Tonya and Grandma Allred all came and visited Jacob, held him and gave me some much needed 'adult' time.  Grandma Allred really seems to have the touch because she was the last to hold Jacob before they left and that little boy had some solid hard-core sleep time for a few hours after she left.  It was soo nice to have him sleeping so soundly and not waking up every 15 minutes because he was uncomfortable.

I even got to go home early - I left around 3:30 a.m. confident that he wouldn't be choking on his own phlegm or throwing up in his sleep and got to have 5 hours of my own hard-core sleep.  It was nice to wake up knowing I could face the world today.  :)

I came into the hospital room and saw Jacob sleeping like a baby.  Yay!  And aside from the occasional doctors visits and nurses checking on vitals, he's continued to sleep deeply for the last hour - thus my quick(ish) blog!!

They did another platelet count and said that his counts are up to 81, 000 (only 19,000 to go!), There is no longer ecoli in his urine and there are no new bad developments.  Dr. Mueller even mentioned we might get moved back to Pediatrics in the next day or two but said that they were in no hurry to kick us out ;)

Sooo, today is starting out to be a good day.  Hopefully, I won't have reason to get on this blog and write again today. No news is good news, right????