Savouring the Little Things

Yesterday my post was filled with negativity.  I am not a negative person.  I don't want negativity to eat up any more of my life than is absolutely necessary.

So, today, I choose to relish and share, but a mere moment of the blessing I call Jacob.

Two days ago it was spaghetti night.  Spaghetti is one of Jacob's favorite foods of all times.  Bar none.  It's always a treat to watch him eat spaghetti.  Not because he makes a ridiculous mess (because he does), or because he refuses to use a fork (which is also true), but by the sheer revelry he displays when savoring every last bite of his meal.

We're not talking a pile of spaghetti the size of an egg.  No way!  Jacob eats as much spaghetti as I, a full grown adult, eat.  I understand that lots of kids with Ds don't have an 'off' switch with food.  And we have yet to determine if Jake is that way yet - basically because all the rest of his siblings are athletes (and GIANT athletes at that - Elisha is 5'10" and Nathan is 6'2 - at age 15) and eat more than a football team combined when they're home.  So I have nothing to gauge his eating habits off of yet.

Anyway, I digress.  Back to Jake and his spaghetti fetish.

So we sat him down with his rather large serving of spaghetti.  As the rest of the family finished their meal, I looked over to watch Jake who had been unusually quiet.  He took one strand of spaghetti between his thumb and pointer finger (great fine motor skill practice, by the way!) and slowly pulled the noodle from the plate.  Pulling...pulling...pulling until the twelve inch string was lifted as high as his stubby little arm would go, dangling just above his mouth, enticing him to bite.

After a few seconds of watching the noodle wiggle in the air, he slowly lowered the very tip into his mouth and bit down with his lips - not his teeth.  Don't want to break the noodle, after all.  Then, he sucked, slowly drawing it into his mouth, until only a few inches remained.   As he sucked, his eyes rolled back into his skull in absolute bliss, then he closed his eyelids, half smiling at the taste of his favorite food. Then he pulled the noodle out again, sans the sauce.

Next, he repeated step 1, however, this time, he sucked harder, letting go of the noodle with his hand, and allowing the strand to flip and flop around his mouth as it got shorter and shorter, and disappeared.  Smack!  All gone.

He took a moment to chew the soft pasta and swallow, then looked at his plate and half smiled again before rooting around for another perfect noodle to repeat the process.

As I watched Jake eating his spaghetti, I was struck by how important the little things are - not only to him - but to all of us.  If we continue to get caught up in all the big stuff - then how can we appreciate the little things?

If I continue to worry about making sure all of the bills are paid on time, or keeping the house spotless (which it is NOT) how can I appreciate the fact that my husband works DANG HARD to make sure that I have the opportunity to stay at home with our little ones full time? I get to make sure they know their alphabet, hold them when they wake up from their nightmares crying, laugh with them when they run circles in the living room chasing one another, teach them to be kind to others and to take responsibility for their actions, and raise them to be productive parts of society.  This is especially true with Jake because he needs just a smidgen more time than his siblings.  And I'm blessed with the opportunity to be that kind of mom because my husband makes it so.


 I am blessed to be able to watch Jake savor his spaghetti, or run around pretending to be a robot from Megamind, or run in circles when the music comes on, or drive Courtney to school and pick her up, and volunteer at her school once a week.  I'm blessed to be there when Nathan gets home every day and to be able to ask him about his day, and tease him about girls.

Ah, what a tremendously blessed life I have.  Thank you, Jacob.  For showing me it's the little things in life worth enjoying.  All those little things begin to add up into one great big - giant even - epiphany of happiness.   Life is good.

Happy New Year! Onward and Upward!

If you know me, you also know it's no big surprise that you didn't get a Christmas letter this year (sorry!).  So, in lieu of Christmas cards, I thought my blog would be a great way to give all our friends and loved ones a quick break down of 2011. 

This year KC has been our rock!  Normally I just call him a tree trunk, but this year he has been promoted to "rock" ;)  In February, he broke his leg, tore all his tendons, and the mesh of tendons that keep the tibia and fibia together.  It was a LONG recovery process, but he's finally back to work and has been working long long long hours to make up for lost time. He's now the Mormon Doctrine Teacher, which keeps him on his toes, but I think he's up for the challenge :)  What little spare time he has is spent hanging out with the kiddos and supporting us in all of our massive number of activities going on around here.

As mother, I seem to be the glue that holds the family together.  I'm busy running the kids to and from school, numerous therapies and doctors appointments, transporting Elisha to all of her athletic stuff, doing all the domestic stuff, helping my sister to run her business, helping my parents with their business, and a bazillion other projects that seem to pop-up when you have 6 active people at home. My goal for 2012 is to go to bed before 2 a.m. each night.  I had a moment of insanity towards the end of the year and told our bishop that I thought Jacob was healthy enough for me to take on a job at church.  Luckily they saw through my insanity and now I'm teaching Sunbeams (3-year-olds) with Jacob in tow terrorizing those poor little kids every step of the way. Church has never been so exciting.  Luckily I bring snacks :)

Elisha is in "Beast" mode.  This year she became a Sophomore, turned 16, started driving, started her 2nd year in Varsity Volleyball and broke her foot in the 3rd game.  But of course, being Elisha, she didn't let that stop her.  As her team was practicing each day for 2 hours, she was either in the weight room lifting or in a corner perfecting some of her skills preparing for the day she could play again.  She missed the season but gained massive amounts of strength and skill as well.  She's now playing club volleyball and the track coaches are salivating over her.  Last summer she qualified for Nationals in the Junior Olympics in discus, but we weren't able to go due to time (we had a week's notice) and finances (babies with holes in their heart are expensive!). This year she plans on going and competing.  And, based on the numbers put up from last year, she will be an earnest contender to win Nationals this year.  Needless to say, some of the local colleges (WSU, ISU, and EWU) have already begun to show interest.  So these next couple of years should be interesting with her.

Nathan turned 12 this year and immediately became a pre-teen.  He now passes the sacrament at church and looks very dapper in his first real suit.  He also looks like the spitting image of his FATHER!!  He took a year off of sports to nurse his foot after surgery to lengthen his Achilles tendon and re-construct the arch in his foot.  So, to fill the time he took up reading which he has devoured!!  He goes through about 3-4 books (big ones - 500 - 700 pages each!) per week, and we just can't keep him stocked with books!  He's already as tall as his mother and stands almost a full head above everyone in his grade.  He's hoping to be able to play on the Church Basketball team this winter, and test his skills at basketball and football next year.  I have a feeling the coaches will be very happy when they see HIM show up to practice!

Courtney is our little gladiator/roller-derby/princess. You will either see her twirling around in a pretty dress, buck naked, or in various stages of undress - and often all three of those several times over the course of an hour.  Like her older brother, she stands several inches taller than her 2-year-old counterparts.  She loves singing along to the radio, watching Beauty and the Beast, Megamind, or any number of movies, climbing things like chairs, tables, counters, shelving, etc.  and listening to her family gasp and scream as she teeters precariously over the edge.  She's definitely a daredevil and I have a feeling that 2012 will be no different.  She certainly keeps a day from being boring!  But with a smile like hers how can you not love  her?

As a whole, it looks like our family has successfully learned to navigate all of the crazy obstacles and potholes life could throw at us.  We're looking forward to 2012 and all of the adventures it will bring with it.

We love you all and have appreciated all of the support you have given us in thought, prayer, service, notes, and so much more!  We have truly been blessed with an amazing group of friends, family, co-workers, and support system.  We would never have been able to do it without all of you. 

We hope that last year was a good one for each of you and that this year brings you much peace and joy. 

Very sincerely,

The Allreds

So It Begins...

Here it is....4:13 in the morning and I can't sleep. I fell asleep around 10 PM and have been dreaming of Downs Syndrome babies all night long. I guess that's what happens when you begin to eat, breathe, sleep, and think Downs Syndrome in anticipation of the newest addition to your family mere weeks away.

Looking back, I should have known. I've basically spent most of my adult life preparing for "Allred Baby #4" (we still haven't picked out a name, but I'm leaning towards Jacob Andrew).
I began taking notice of developmentally challenged individuals in high school when I was working on my Young Women's in Excellence Medallion. As one of my service projects I decided to volunteer as a Teacher's Aid for the Disabled. One period of school, I'd go to the gym and we'd do P.E. (i.e. physical therapy in the form of games,etc) with a class of developmentally disabled students. I absolutely fell in LOVE with them! What great personalities they had - so genuinely happy and sweet, and funny. I started going to get over my (knowingly) unwarranted fear of the disabled. And the experience wound up sending me down new directions as I got older.

Fast forward another year or two and I was in college. My major? Actually a double major: Education K-12 & Special Education. I wanted to be a Special Education Teacher! Unfortunately, I didn't get very far into my education before I found the love of my life, got married, quit college, moved to Spokane, and started a family of our own. But never fear! I still found ways to incorporate the disabled into our lives.

Soon after Elisha (our first child, a daughter) was born, we moved to Lewiston, ID and began managing an apartment complex that was designated for persons with disabilities. We spent 11 years of our lives, watching over and helping a wide range of individuals with varying types of disabilities as they tried to embark on a life of independence in their own apartments. It had its ups and downs. Our children (we had another child, Nathan, while at the apartments) were exposed to it all, and grew up with none of the pre-dispositions I did, and gaining an appreciation for those with disabilities. Then, we moved back to Spokane for KC's job, into a life of 'normalcy'.

Soon after moving back to Spokane, I discovered I was pregnant again - no small feat considering Elisha was now 13, Nathan was 9, and I'd had 3 other miscarriages. I thought we were done, but Heavenly Father had other plans for us! We soon discovered, long before she was born, that Courtney was going to be a little spitfire! All that kicking!!!!! I thought she was going to break bones!

Fast forward a few more months, and I began having dreams. Nothing too remarkable. It’s just that I kept dreaming that we were a family with a Downs Syndrome Child. I didn't think anything of it. They were just dreams. Nothing more. Courtney was a fluke - a miracle and we probably weren't going to be able to have any more children any way. I had a total of about 4 dreams. Again, I thought nothing of it, said nothing to anyone, and went about my business. By the time Courtney was 8 months old, I discovered I was pregnant yet AGAIN. And I was none too happy about it either! I'd already had 3 children. All of which I loved and adored, but I have never considered myself the maternal type. I didn't WANT any more children. Apparently, God has a sense of humor.

This fourth pregnancy has been a bit of a trial. From the beginning, though things have been relatively unremarkable, I kept having this nagging feeling that this child was going to be born with a disability. Nothing really jumped out at me. I just knew that this pregnancy was going to be different. So I calmly waited to hear the news, silently hoping that I was just letting my irrational fears get the best of me.

I waited through the first ultrasound and was told that our baby was perfectly normal. (Phew! sigh of relief) We went to the 2nd ultrasound at 20 weeks and discovered we were having boy who was apparently VERY active! Aside from the face and the kidneys, the Dr. gave us a clean bill of health, but he asked us to come in a month later to check on the face and kidneys because our baby had been too active and wouldn't sit still long enough for them to take pictures of them. Just a minor precaution. "I'm sure there's nothing wrong. We just want to double check". (Whew! Another bullet dodged! We got another clean bill of health!). I came back the next month and sat down with the ultrasound tech and we began to chat as she discovered, once again, that our baby was a mover and a shaker. He just wouldn't sit still. She finally got a picture of his kidneys, but never could get his face. Soon, she zeroed in on his heart and began to get quiet. I asked a few questions, and she tried to point out the four chambers of his heart, but all I could see were three!! OK, I'm no expert, but when they say 4 chambers, there should actually BE 4 chambers. She quietly spent 30 minutes taking pictures of the heart at various angles and I knew that this was it. This was the problem I'd been holding my breath for. The fear and doubt slowly crept in as I tried to talk myself out of thinking the worst. Maybe I was just being overly sensitive. Nothing was wrong, right?

I had my next Dr. Appointment immediately after the ultrasound. I went in, waited for the Dr. and he came in a little less chipper than I was used to. I LOVE my doctor. I fell in love with him on our very first visit when I came in to confirm that I was pregnant with Courtney. I could tell immediately that he would be a good doctor for our family. And that's saying a LOT considering I'd been through every OBGYN in the Lewiston Valley before I finally settled on a fertility specialist who didn't even do deliveries. When it comes to doctors I DO NOT SETTLE. Dr. Zweisler, I could tell, was a good doctor who knew his stuff and had the same values me and my family had - he held the same value on life that we did and I knew, that if the crap ever hit the fan, me and my baby would be in good hands. I just never thought I'd actually have to TEST him on that fact!

Dr. Zwiesler came in and immediately sat down. I could tell something was not right. He cut to the chase. "So, we found a hole in the baby's heart. A big hole". It all became so surreal. He went on to tell me that he wanted to learn more about it and was going to send me to a cardiologist to do another ultrasound so we would know exactly what we were dealing with. I was informed that hearts defect like our baby's was consistent with babies with Downs Syndrome. There was a good chance that my baby had Downs. By this time I was in tears. How can you not cry? A heart defect!

Dr. Zwiesler was kind enough to give me as much information as I could digest at the time, gave me several tissues, and tried his best to comfort me. All this time, I wasn't so concerned with the Downs Syndrome as I was about the pain that my soon-to-be brand new baby would be in from his heart defect. No one wants to know that their baby is sick or going to be in pain. Especially an infant. He scheduled my necessary appointments with the specialists, and I tried to compose myself. There was no need to wonder if my baby actually had Downs. I knew it in my heart. I'd known it all along. The only thing these tests were going to do was definitively confirm what I already knew to be. I dried my tears, tried to convince my doctor that I was going to be OK, and found my way back to my car to drive home.

I called my husband, left a message for him, drove home, and waited for him to call. How I got home from that Dr.'s appointment, I'll never know. Between the shock and the tears, it was one of life's little miracles. As soon as I got home, my children knew something was not right by the look on my face, and I broke the news to them. Elisha immediately began to cry and Nathan just sat there in shock. What could we do? Nothing really. Just sit and digest what little we knew.

I spent the rest of the day alternating between tears and exhaustion. I called several family members, broke to news to K.C. who sat there in shock, and cried some more. Finally, just after dinnertime, I had KC give me a blessing. During that blessing I had the strongest sense of peace pass over me and I had that moment of clarity I needed to realize that everything was going to be OK.

I could kick and scream and become completely useless to everyone around me, or I can realize that what's done is done. I can't fix it. I can't make it go away. I'm on the ride, whether I want to be or not. I might as well make the best of it and enjoy the ride as much as I could. And I knew that regardless of what happened, it would ultimately be a ride worth riding.

I'd like to say that those were the last tears I cried, but they aren't.  But the peace of mind is there.  And the knowledge that whatever happens, KC and I will be in it together.  So, it begins.......our life filled with ups and Downs (Syndrome)...