Monday, January 3, 2011

Counting My Blessings - Jacob is not a trial

Quick Note: OK, I fell asleep last night with Jacob in my arms and didn't wake up again until 4 a.m.  Soooo even though the time stamp says it's Monday, just think in your mind that I'm typing like it's Sunday! ;)

Today was my turn to go to church with the kids.  K.C. got to stay home with Jacob and I got to be spiritually enriched this week.  I think of all the days so far, today was the day I needed it most.  I'm not sure why, but I'm sure that the fact that I haven't made it through an entire 3-hour session in nearly 4 or 5 months had a large part to do with it.  I used to think that sacrament was the only hour that truly mattered, and that the other two hours were basically 'fluff' for the adults but more geared towards giving the children and youth the time they needed to learn what they needed to grow to be spiritually strong adults.  But today, I felt like this time around I was recharging my batteries in each of the classes and came home ready to tackle the world.

Believe me, I needed that recharging.  We're in the late session now, which means that church starts at 1PM and we don't get home until 4:30 p.m.   So today I came racing home, made dinner, took Elisha to some Stake Youth Choir thingy at 5:30, came home and tried very hard not to scream at small children and husband
while I tried to eat my dinner, prepare FHE, get the house clean, and make sure Jacob got his meds before the Carpenter Family came over for  FHE at 7:00.  Luckily, wonders never cease and I even had 2 minutes to sit down for a second and breathe before the doorbell rang and our guests arrived.

All the time the Carpenters were here holding Jacob and spending our much-needed time together I kept looking over at Jacob and marveling at how much he has begun to grow.  He's no longer the itty bitty little baby (although he is still pretty small - still in his newborn clothes!) that used to scream FRAGILE every time you looked at him.  He's finally chunking up a little bit, and beginning to take on the look of  'baby'.  He doesn't look like he's going to break by merely looking at him any more.  And I have begun to think that maybe, just maybe, he will be strong enough for his surgery in just a few short weeks. 

The idea of having them open up his chest and work on his heart horrifies me.  I'm not quite sure  how I am going to react.  But at least I've had months to prepare myself emotionally for this event.  I'm not stupid enough to think I won't cry when I see  him.  What I'm shooting for is to just not absolutely freak out and go into uncontrolled sobbing.

 Down Right Living: to help and enrich families with Down syndrome
Help us to help others who have Down syndrome.  Donate today!
Today in Relief Society the lesson was on Enduring your trials and I felt like all eyes were on me (of COURSE I'd chosen to sit in the front row).  Weirdly enough, in spite of everything - all my rants of frustration. All of the tears and fears.  Today I didn't think of Jacob as a trial.  I look at that little boy and all I can think of is how lucky we are to have him!  How blessed we are to have this adorable little spirit in our home to remind us of the importance of patience, endurance, love unfeigned, innocence, and how screaming when life gets hard really doesn't do anyone any good.  Jacob has taught us how to have peace in the midst of a storm.  How to love someone with all your heart.  How to forgive when you've been hurt. How to optimistically hope for a happier day. And how even a simple smile can brighten anyone's day and lighten their load - even for just a moment.  Yes.  I do believe that Jacob has taught us so much.  He has never been a trial.  Only a blessing in our lives and in our home.  I would take 100 Jacobs in a heart beat if I could.  Each day with him teaches me to be a better person and to count my many blessings - count them 1 by 1.


Brianne said...

You're amazing! Happy New year!

Nellie said...

Sweet Sue, thanks for sharing your testimony and your positive attitude. I love looking at your posts and seeing Jacobs sweet face!